Ugh. What I wouldn't give to be careless and clueless!
I am sick of constantly trying to manage our lives and keep them somewhat organized.
I have married my one true love and my best friend. the only thing is, we are like two different puzzle pieces. Completely opposite and different yet perfectly matched.
I am the responsible, think ahead, let's not spend all of our money on junk that would be cool to have right away. I am the delayed gratification and Mason is the instant gratification.
I am glad to have him when I am running a thousand miles a second and he helps me to see the beauty around me. I am glad to have him when he is patient with MY flaws. The feelings are not reciprocated the other way around however.
Logically, I know that I would've murdered Mason in his sleep long ago if we were just alike... if he was the know it all that always has to be right, the bossy cow, the mover and the shaker, the let's set goals and achieve them kind of guy. Yet I am also contemplating murder with my complete opposite as we speak.
Life is great when I am the one who needs him. When I am the one who needs patience and tolerance. Again, not the other way around! He is the patient one and I loathe him for it. I hate that I can be the biggest brat, telling him to never speak to me again because... who knows, a fly landed on my shoe and I didn't like it... yet, he laughs or smiles and walks away. Really!? REAlly!? No one should have that much patience. NO ONE. well, except for Jesus of course, but Mason is so far from Jesus, so he should not have that much patience.
I always tell mace that he is the patient one, I am the bossy one. When he asks me to have more patience with him I inform him that he is the patient one.
I wish I had more patience, yet I don't because no one like gaining and growing patience. I have no patience for it, so I guess mace can just keep all of his stupid patience.
Back to my original rantings. I hate being the responsible one. If I was to say, hey mace, let's go to las vegas tonight and stay in a hotel for a few days and leave Eamonn with my mom or whoever, he would be down in a heartbeat. Knowing full and well that we are preparing for a baby, trying to pay of our debt, and trying to be fiscally responsible. UGH! He would drop his responsibilities in two seconds flat if he thought that I'd suggest it. The other day, he suggested we go out to dinner (although it was not date night, and although we had bills to pay etc.). I told him, "you know what babe? You decide. Whatever you choose to do, I'll follow. You take the lead on this one. He then got this look on his face of annoyance and was like, "no! cause I want you to be responsible not me!" lol. He was dead serious.
Side note... as I am writing, Eamonn is throwing green beans over the side of his high chair, watching the cause and effects of dropping things off the endless abyss of high chairness. I'm guessing he's done. It's a good thing the Lord gave me a sense of humor and such a cute little baby.... At times like these, it's always Eamonn and only Eamonn that can put a smile on my face. lol. what a stink.
Ok. so I just got back from helping Mason replace the brake pads on our car. in order to relieve some frustrations, while he was filling up the brake fluid under the hood, I honked to horn loud and clear for him. mwaha. I feel better now. Amazing what a little maliciousness will do to a grumpy attitude. I guess I would rather be me than him. I would never ever ever want to deal with me.
Eamonn's birthday party went really well.. I will probably never do a bbq or anything like that ever again though. Too much work, too much money. It's way easier to just say, come over for cupcakes and ice cream. Way cheaper too! I was so gunghoe about putting on an amazing bday party for my one year old who will neveer remember. lol how dumb. It was really fun though. Thanks to Mason and a lot of life lessons, I have learned that things aren't perfect. I ended up going to the party with no make up, the chicken wasn't cooked until sometime after everyone got there... my house was a mess, and my darling poop head child decided that he didn't want to wait for his birthday cake. He wanted to reach up onto his high chair and pull down five or six cupcakes to eat ahead of time and smash into the carpet. lol He also decided to reach up onto the table to find some of my medication and eat that too. Poison control was called (everything was fine.. he was just a little cranky) and pictures were taken of my little mischief maker's cupcake pre-party. lol
After everything though, I was not emberassed completely that my house looked like sasquach had run through it with a stick of dynamite, because everyone who came were my friends. They know me, they love me, and I am grateful. :) After the party, my personal angels (amanda and courtney) stayed after to help me clean the house. Not just some dishes and vacuuming, they went through the ENTIRE house. From top to bottom, every room, every corner, every everything! I am proud to say that I am sitting in a beautifully clean home right now. I love it. They also stayed up with me until 3 or 4 am doing all of my laundry. We took it all... ALL (almost every piece of fabric in the house.. towels, clothes, you name it) to a 24 hour laundromat. It was so fun. Not only were all of my stresses being washed away one sock at a time, we all bonded. :) We talked and talked and talked and talked.
It's so nice to have friends who I can just be myself with. Ones who I can say um.. I ate 40 lbs. of chile for breakfast, so here are clothespins for everyone.. and still have them love me regardless. lol Ones who I can say, yah, sometimes I relate to the poor crazy lady who drowned her kids, and have them understand and laugh along with me. Ones who I know I can confide in and not have to worry that they are going to call everyone we know with all of my personal, gruesome secrets! Ones who are going through the same things I am. Being a wife, being a mom, being crazy. yattah yattah yattah.
Anyways. Eamonn is in the bathtub right now, although I tease, I really would rather him not drown in the tub. Even though he is a stessful little thing, I would rather have him than not ;)
Peace out world.