I started a blog when I first got married and wrote like.. two entries. Then I saw a girl from high school's blog, Alyssa Creighton, and fell in love with it. She is just so honest and I really feel blessed to read her posts. I am a better person because of her (random, I know) but she really did inspire me to share my story, so that my life might be able to help anyone else who may be going through the same things or similar things I am.
A little about myself:
- I am a messy person. If you don't believe me, you should see my house and my car. lol I really really REALLY struggle trying to stay on top of things and being more organized. Slowly but surely I'll get there. (I hope.)
- I tend to be extremely critical of myself, such a bad way of thinking, I know. Ever since I married Mason though, I have learned to be less extreme. He is my opposite in a lot of thing but we tend to balance eachother out well.
- My marriage definitely isn't perfect. Mason and I fight just like any other couple (I think... no one really talks about it, they try to seem like their marriages are awesome and their lives are stupendous. That's not me. I say it like I see it, and say it like it is.) I am demanding and mood swingy (yes. mood swingy.) and Mason is mellow and laid back. Sometimes his drr drr drr attitude drives me up the wall, and sometimes my bossy cowness drives him up the wall. lol but we love eachother and are stuck for eternity so we deal. ;) But for real, I love mace, he is my everything. All throughout highschool and ever since I recieved my patriarchal blessing (a priesthood blessing given by a patriarch in my church) I knew that my future husband was going to be amazing, and that I needed to work my butt off to be the best I could and deserving of him. I still wonder to this day how I seem to be so blessed to find my match made in heaven. (I don't think that's the case with everyone, but I KNOW that this is the case with us.) No one on this earth could deal with me like he does. :)
- I love being a mom. I really do. I have given a lot up for my family, but know that because I am doing what I know to be right and true, that the I will be happiest. Having a clean conscience before the Lord is the best thing, how could I deny His will? The ABSOLUTE BEST PART OF MY DAY, is when I wake up to Eamonn (Pronounced like Aiden, but with an M instead of a D.) blabbering away to himself. I walk down the hall to his room (the office with a sheet nailed up for a door...) and hear him start bouncing up and down in his pack and play, knowing that mommy is coming to get him to start the day. He is always so excited to see me. I feel like the most important person in the world to him and I absolutely love it. He just tickles my heart and brings so much joy and love to our family. He is one of the best decisions we have ever made.
-I am also expecting baby number two on March 5th, 2011. We found out that we needed to prepare for this baby when we were in the temple at the beginning of April, 2010. I had actually had a few dreams about a baby and it had been on my mind for a few days. Then, when we went to the temple, it was confirmed. Pregnancies are extremely difficult for me mentally. I have to change my medications to baby safe ones. (I normally am on Lithium, but that would destroy a growing fetus, so we have to go to the next "best" thing.) It was really awkward going into my psychiatrist's office telling him that although I am just 3 months out of the worst postpartum, and although we just found a good dose of medications that kept me stable, and although I started a new job and was acing my classes in school ( and yay! I was finally able to fit our schedule around some schooling for me!!), and although I hadn't felt this good mentally in a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time, that I needed to screw all of that up and go back onto Lamictal. (again, a baby safe mood stabilizer). He was pretty wary of the decision, but I pay him, so he does what he is told. ;) Also, I had to go back to my gynocologist (Dr. Wayne Young. who I love!) and tell him that although we had just put my IUD in 5 months ago, that I needed it to be removed, and although I had just had a baby 7 months ago, that I was ready to get pregnant yet again. To outsiders looking in it may seem crazy. And when i tell them that this baby was indeed a planned pregnancy, I get looks of annoyance and not so much understanding. Lol. I don't really care what anyone else thinks though. I do what I know to be right. Mason and I are good people who the Lord has blessed with a stable income, a nice (yet extremely messy) home, and an abundace of love. Who am I to deny another spirit in our family? I would regret that decision for the rest of my life. Like I said before... the best thing on this earth is a clean conscience before the Lord.
This decision was a lot easier because we had to go through the same thing when we found out a month after being married, that we needed to prepare for Eamonn. (Eamonn's name is Gaelic (Irish), it means Protector. He is the oldest child and I know that he will look out for the rest of the kidlets like a good big brother). We had to do the same thing with Eamonn. I had to find a psychiatrist that would work with me through a pregnancy and find a medication that would let me be semi-sane and able to healthily carry a baby. After a few months of stablizing and regulating medications, we got pregnant! People also asked us then, "Was this planned!?" and yes. It was. Like I said before, Eamonn is one of the best decisions we have ever made. The Lord's hand has really been shown to us throughout these times also. We were scared to DEATH about having a baby! I had plans to go to school, become a nurse, and THEN have kids. Mason only made 11$ an hour and would be working and going to school full time in order to support my homemaker, stay at home mom occupation. We were so nervous, and I still have NO clue how we have made it this far. How we have afforded all that we have? No idea. I do know however, that even if things don't make sense to us, that if we will follow in faith and do HIS will, not our own, that he will provide. That DOESN"T mean that things are easy and that we will always know how the mortgage will be paid, and how we will have food on the table, but it does mean that in a way, it's not our problem. lol. We've done our part, and the Lord will hold up his part of the bargain.
Well, I have SO much more to say and my mind is racing with ideas and stories and so many things, but I'm sure one can only read so much so I will stop now. It feels so good to get this all out. To be able to share my own story with others. I really hope that others can take hope in their trials and have faith that the Lord will provide because He does. I've seen it. I wouldn't be doing all of this "illogical" stuff if I didn't KNOW so. Also, I want anyone out there reading this (all two of you...) that if you need someone to talk to, that I am here! I hope that the more I write and let everyone see the real Lauren Stanford, that you will know me, and feel like I have made somewhat of a difference in your lives. If not, at least I can get the satisfaction of writing down my thoughts and experiences for my own sake.
I hope this is the beginning of many posts to come!
|Fourth of July. We kinda look like Hillbillies.. ah well. God bless America!|
|Eamonn with his helmet (He had craniosynostosis as a baby.. that's a whole 'nother story!)|
|Eamonn and Daddy at the Zoo.|
|Mace and I. I'm FINALLY losing my chubby CHUBBY cheeks from my last pregancy. We'll see how long this lasts. lol|
|Eamonn playing in the water at Laguna Beach. He's such a doll.|
|Eamonn and mommy :) I have loved that I now have boobs ever since I had Eamonn. It's awesome.|
|Eamonn and Daddy. My life. :)|